June 27, 2005 | I Know Funny

The Houston Chronicle's business columnist, Loren Steffy, published this blueprint a week ago.

It falls into the tell-the-truth-and-people-will-laugh category I've yet to add to the blog; it also falls into the performance-art-how-to category that also can't be found to the left.

Dear MasterCard,
This is to inform you of a change in our credit agreement. It has come to my attention that you are unable to keep my credit and debit card information safe.

[...]

It's funny how you guys can't keep track of our account information, but you have no trouble keeping track of the sundry fees you levy against us.

You probably see where I'm going with this. What's sauce for us consumer geese is sauce for you, the credit card gander.

[...]

Effective May 1, 2005, any compromise of my data will result in a $50 liability for you, the card issuer, owed to me, the card holder.

Cashing the payment check I sent you last month (which you did) shall constitute your acceptance of this agreement. Subsequent security breaches will compound the fee. I will spell out the terms of just how much these fees and related costs will escalate as soon as I find a typeface that is small enough.

[...]

Also, given the widespread nature of the security problems, I am going to share information with my fellow consumers. If I determine you failed to secure their private account information, I may be forced to enact the terms specified in this agreement even though you did not violate the agreement with me. Call it universal default in reverse.

Link (Tip of the helmet to Adam Shostack)

Update: Added in a link and fixed some punctuation

Posted by Ryan Singel at June 27, 2005 09:33 AM

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