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Hawaiians don't read my blog. Cause surely if they did, they'd untether themselves from their boards and head directly to the airport to implement my free business plan.
Now, because they didn't some airport employee had to file a complaint.
Seems there was an elaborate plot to blow up the airport using a DDOLA (that's Distributed Denial of Lighter Attack). Yup, the nefarious somewhosguys deposited some 1,700 pounds of cigarette lighters at Honolulu International Airport -- some 30-40 pounds a day.
An insider helped the nefarious somewhosguys by storing all the lighters in one place.
Finally, a voice of sanity (oddly, an officer from the a U.S. Labor Department compliance officer -- but we're all in this together so it shouldn't be so surprising) told the Transportation Security Administration they could not be building a bomb in the airport.
Someone please please take up my small business plan, cause its costing us money. Yup, the TSA taketh away the lighters and then PAYS a hazardous waste contractor to truck them away.
Here's the Honolulu lowdown from KITV News in Hawaii.
Oh, since we are here the funny side of fire, there's one more thing.
If you take a Zippo lighter to the airport, you will not be allowed to take it on the plane, nor can you put in your luggage. (Though there is now an exception for Zippos that have never been filled)
You can however mail it to yourself. Many airports now have convenient mail-your-fingernail-clippers-to-yourself stations near checkpoints.
Most of that mail goes into the belly of an airplane. Often commercial planes. Like the one you are trying to get on. Like the one you can't put your Zippo in the belly of.
You see where this is going, right?
So if you time it right and mail your lighter a couple of days ahead of time, your lighter may well be on your flight.
And I think -- though please, please consult with your own lawyer on this -- that this method is actually legal.
Posted by Ryan Singel at June 28, 2005 01:36 PM
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Actually Ryan, you cannot mail lighters to yourself. All the lighters are voluntarily surrendered to TSA. To mail them would be a violation of current Postal Regulations regarding the mailing of hazardous materials.
Posted by: R Glenn at April 20, 2006 10:21 AM
Doh! R Glenn drops some postal science on my otherwise well-thought out plan. Like I said, consult a lawyer before following through on ANYTHING I write on this blog.
Posted by: Ryan Singel at April 20, 2006 10:55 AM