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TSA screeners have (once again!) snagged a terrorist.
Cecilia Beaman, a 57 year-old grandmother, has been hiding undercover in Des Moines, Iowa working as a school principal.
Oh, Cecelia!
Cecilia connived to "chaperone" a bunch of kids on a school trip to DisneyLand, but was there to ride the monorail for a bird's eye view of how to destroy the crown jewel of Los Angeles' culture.
Then, prior to the flight home, she made the kids sandwiches (weapons of mass obesity) and *somehow* she managed to put the bread knife in her carry-on.
Surely, we all can agree, beyond the standard of a military tribunal, that this evidence makes clear that Beaman is a member of the Bread Army, the terrorist group that declared war on the the Atkins diet and Americans freedom to eat an all beef diet.
Luckily, a screener stopped the nefarious Beaman, who is predictably whining about the Constitution (Is there any better sign of someone's guilt than an appeal to the Constitution, which never mentions anything about protecting terrorists?).
Unfortunately, she'll only be fined and put on a terrorist watchlist and not provided with any evidence of her crime -- which undoubtedly she would try to use to manipulate activist judges.
They should throw a bounded Constitution and maybe her own bread knife at her.
When will they learn? Beef. It's what Americans eat for dinner.
Posted by Ryan Singel at June 7, 2005 10:18 AM
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Ok, that is one of the more funny write ups on the security at airports I've seen in a while.
Posted by: ben at June 8, 2005 11:28 AM
I wouldn't think it was so funny if it was your name going on a terrorist watch list and paying the fine!
Posted by: Carl Sperr at July 27, 2005 08:38 PM